In My Eyes
by sarahexox
Summary: The story of Waterloo Road Comprehensive, as told by the staff and pupils. All characters and series involved. Each chapter is a different episode and character.
1. Rachel Mason

**RACHEL MASON – EPISODE 4.20**

_"I don't know why we all hang onto something we know we're better off letting go. It's like we're scared to lose what we don't really have. Some of us say we'd rather have that something than nothing, but the truth is to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all."_

_..._

It was on the ground. Literally. My school. The school I had worked so hard to pick up.

Everything I cared about seemed to be ruined. I glanced between the group of kids, my kids, and Eddie. The love of my life. I could barely even see him through the tears. I had to try and keep them in though, couldn't show a weakness, not in front of everyone. I just wished they would all go away, leave me to break down.

The day had started so perfect, how did it end up like this? It was supposed to be the best summer break I had ever had. Just me and Eddie, together, away from the prying eyes of the staff and pupils. Things never work how I want them to though, she had to turn up. Melissa. I know she's my sister and I shouldn't feel the hatred I do for her. Put yourself in my shoes though, then you would understand.

Pregnant. She was bloody pregnant! Steph and Grantley loved it, the drama, they always enjoyed drama.

Me and Eddie talked it over. I listened, but deep inside I guess I always knew my decision, even then. I knew Eddie couldn't cope with not seeing another child and I couldn't be the cause of that. Resentment. You can't build a relationship on that. Eventually that would be all he felt towards me. Then he wrapped his arms around me. Why did he have to do that? Make me think all over again. My decision was the right one. It was for the best, for everyone involved, except me. All I wanted was him. Just standing there in his arms, there was no where I would rather be. What a cliché. Very true though. I forgot every worry I had when he put his arms around me.

The last place I felt like being was around everyone. I had to though; we had the choir competition to attend. The kids were all excited, Matt was nervous. I felt numb. I gave Eddie a kiss before getting onto the coach. The same butterflies in my stomach emerged as they did the first time we kissed. He had such an effect on me.

I sat all through the competition just wanting to run outside. Being around people, surrounded, it was the last thing I wanted. Then my phone. I was embarrassed, started fumbling around for my phone before quickly answering the call.

Ralph. Last person I wanted to hear from. Waffling on about some crap. I didn't pay much attention. Even if I had been, he wasn't exactly making much sense. I listened to him rambling on, up until he messaged me the picture. Him. Him and the JCB. Right at that moment I knew I had to go. My school was in danger. I had to be there. Not thinking of anything else, I ran out of the room and quickly found a taxi back to Waterloo Road.

Running towards the school, so much was flying through my head. It was being destroyed before my eyes and I couldn't do a thing to stop it. I had to try though. So I did. Maybe it was stupid, with hindsight, very stupid. In situations like that though, you just don't think. I put myself in front of the JCB, protecting my school. It felt like a life time I was stood there, staring at this mammoth object towering over me, Ralph grinning wildly at me. This was what he wanted, he always had.

I saw the JCB move ever so slightly in my direction. Ralph wasn't going to stop, what had I been thinking. It felt like I was glued to the floor. Even if I had wanted to jump out of the way I couldn't have. I just stood, frozen to the spot, stunned. This couldn't be happening. I shut my eyes, just wishing it would be over with. Then there was an odd silence. The engine had stopped. I reopened my eyes and saw Eddie in the JCB, keys in his hand, about to jump back out.

It was over.

Two things were over. One thing I was very glad about, one I wasn't. I had to admit it though.

Watching his face as I told him tore me apart inside. I couldn't bear to even see him again. I couldn't work with him and was quietly pleased he had come to the same conclusion. I had to cut him out of my life, completely. I didn't know how I was going to cope without him as my second in command, though I knew I would have to find a way.

I couldn't have him in my life at all if he wasn't mine. That was no longer an option.

...

_"The truth is to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all."_


	2. Josh Stevenson

**JOSH STEVENSON – EPISODE 6.4**

"_There are times in our life when we fall and we depend on people to catch us. There are some that do and others that don't. And sometimes, someone we thought would catch us actually lets us fall. But what would we be doing if we showed them that we can't get back up again?"_

_..._

I felt different towards him and i didn't know why. It was a feeling i had never felt before but then i had never had a friend like him.

As i walked towards the school i glanced around for him. Standing on my tip toes i peered over the fences before walking into the school grounds. So many kids, how was i ever going to find him? Luckily, he found me. Saved me the effort. We made plans for the night and Lauren joined us.

Boyfriend. She called me her boyfriend. I didn't realise things had progressed, i definitely wasn't asked. I didn't want to be with her, not like that. How could i tell her? Everyone thought it was so perfect.

So much was going on in my head, so many alien feelings. Finn just wanted me to get off with Lauren and he was never going to understand i didn't want to.

Football. Never really was my sport but as long as it made my Dad happy i wasn't going to complain. He always had his idea of what a son was like. Probably the complete opposite of me. Playing football kept him happy so i just did it.

Today was different though. There was a new boy. Connor i think his name was. Instantly popular. Finn couldn't seem to stop going on about him. How amazing he was at football. Connor dropped a bombshell though. He's gay! He seemed so confident saying it. I guess i envied that confidence. Envied a lot about him. I could see him replacing me soon enough, sounds paranoid but, i could. He was the cool friend Finn wanted. Then he screwed up in the game and blamed it on me. I'm not homophobic, not at all, but I flipped at him.

Most of the day I was just trying to avoid Lauren. I didn't want to try and explain my feelings. She's a friend and whatever I felt I didn't want to upset her. When i tried to explain it all to Finn, i felt something i had never felt with anyone before. I didn't even think, before i knew it my lips were against his. It was that moment which changed pretty much everything for me. My world seemed to collapse around me. He told my Dad, he told everyone. Everywhere i walked i had dirty looks, comments. My Dad couldn't even look at me. I just wanted it to stop and i knew from that moment i would have to do whatever it took to stop it.

Braving my lessons was never going to be easy but I ended up just running away. They just talking about me. Not to me, about me. They knew i was there and they just kept doing it, some of them who i thought were friends.

I fell to pieces.

Everything was falling to pieces. I can't remember the last time i broke down like that. I tried so hard to pull myself together but nothing seemed to help. The things Connor said hit me. I had no idea what was going on in my head or why i reacted the way i did to him. What he said made sense though, but i didn't want to hear it. So i ran. I ran away, again.

My Dad reacted badly, and i never even told him the whole story. So there was no way i could be honest. I'd just have to deal with it myself. Give everyone what they wanted. Be... normal. Me and Lauren was the best idea i had, so i just had to push my own feelings to the back of my head. It had to be worth a shot, but it felt wrong. It was wrong and i couldn't bring myself to do anything.

Flat out of ideas. All apart from one; run away for what seemed the millionth time. So i did. I packed my things, got prepared to leave and go back to my Mum. Maybe she would understand, maybe she could help me sort my head out. It wasn't what i wanted though, i mean, i went to my Dad for a reason. I couldn't stay if he was going to carry on though, he left me no choice. He let me down, just like he always had. Families have a way of doing that, and so do friends. I learnt that after today. You can only rely on yourself, so that's what i would have to do.

Then something happened which i wasn't expecting. I stood up to my Dad. I said what i had been dying to say all day. He didn't react amazingly, but he didn't flip. He didn't want me out.

There are some things in life you can't go back and change, no matter how much you want to. I think that day I was finally forced to grow up. To leave the past behind for one final time.

For the first time that day i felt hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, i could come through this.

_..._

"_What would we be doing if we showed them that we can't get back up again?"_


End file.
